Stripped
by Maddy-Lynn
Summary: KakaSaku - Sakura can no longer stay in denial as the past comes creeping up again. And it will be hard work to lay the ghosts of the past to rest when she is forced to confront them. How far will she be pushed before she completely loses herself?
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

_Dreaming comes so easily  
Cause it's all that I've known_  
_True love is a fairytale  
I'm damaged so how would I know  
_

_

* * *

_

I never planned on becoming this person. Sometimes, I think that it is just a dream I will wake up from. But this is one nightmare I will never wake up from. I will never regain what I have lost, and I have lost so, so much.

Sometimes things happen and we never want to forget them. But for me, I wish I could forget everything that has happened. At times I find myself thinking of trying to go back to how things were. But deep down I know that that is impossible, no mater how much I wish it otherwise. Too much has changed for things to be near what they used to be.

I tried to escape my ghosts, but I ended up running into another one that completely shook me to my core, changing me forever. Stripped of everything, I am forced to live as this person I never wanted to become. Stripped of sanity, purity, love, sanctuary, of everything I used to hold dear. As I sit here I can see the criticism in your gaze. Just know that I never wanted to be this person. I was forced to become this girl. I didn't have a choice.

I never have…

* * *

_I will never feel anything else  
I will never be anything  
I will break away  
I want to find something I've wanted all along_


	2. CH1 Evanescence

**[A/N: their ages are a bit different than they are in the anime and I just made the Rookie 9 a bit older so they're about 15 when the story begins. Everyone else's age is roughly the same as it is in the anime.]

* * *

**

**CH 1 – Evanescence**

_She fears if she cries__  
That first tear  
The tears will not stop raining down

* * *

_

The only thing stopping her from falling from the cliff to her death was his grip around her wrists. She desperately tried to grasp his as well but her body was so worn out and weak her muscles wouldn't obey. His grip was weakening. His hands slipped from around her wrists to her hands. Was this the end? She grimly thought so. She looked up at him, her eyes desperate for salvation. But he was nothing but apathetic. And as a smirk slowly drew across his face she realized that his grip hadn't slipped on accident. Before the shock wore off for her to react, he had let go and walked away, leaving her to her death.

That's what it felt like to Sakura at least, but more painful.

–*–

The weeks fallowing Sasuke's departure from Konoha had been trying for Naruto and the others as they dealt with his betrayal and Sakura's growing depression. The first time he had gone to visit her she wouldn't let him in. But as weeks passed, she finally started letting him in. He never stayed long though. Seeing Sakura in her current state was heartbreaking. He hated Sasuke for doing this to her.

Many of them tried to get through to her, tried to get her to move on, or at least leave her apartment. But no one, from her best friend Ino to sweet Hinata to Kakashi, could shake her from her comatose.

"Aren't you gonna eat your ramen, Naruto? It's getting cold," Iruka said.

Naruto just stared at the bowl before him. Iruka had taken him out for ramen in the hopes to brighten the boy's mood. However, Naruto was more interested in thinking of how to get things to how they used to be than eating ramen.

"Why...?"

"Naruto?"

"Why did Sasuke have to leave? Why now of all times?" He banged his fist on the table making their bowls rattle. "Doesn't he care at all about us? Doesn't he realize that we need him? Sakura needs him most of all right now. Why did he have to hurt her more? She doesn't deserve this! Not right after losing her parents!" His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fist tighter. He started trembling with fury; or maybe it was desolation—he couldn't tell.

Iruka sat silently as Naruto vented. What could he say when he himself had been having similar thoughts?

Naruto stood. "Thanks for the ramen Iruka-sensei, but I'm not very hungry right now. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Naruto."

Shortly after Naruto left the Ichiraku Ramen Shop it began pouring. Thankfully the rain was not cold because he did not have an umbrella. He sighed and pulled his coat tightly around himself. He turned the corner and headed towards Sakura's place. He knew Sakura liked the rain. Maybe she would come out to enjoy it and go for a walk with him.

He arrived at her apartment and knocked on the door. No answer. "Sakura?" he called as he knocked again. Still there was no answer. He tried the knob finding it was unlocked. Worry shot through his veins in icy chills. Why would Sakura leave the door unlocked? It wasn't like her. He went inside cautiously and looked around. She wasn't there.

He started to panic. There didn't seem to have been a fight so he had a doubt this was a kidnapping. But where would she have gone? He ran out of the apartment and into the streets. He jumped onto the roof of a near-by house to get a better view of the area. The rain made most of the citizens of Konoha retreat indoors making it easier for Naruto to try to spot Sakura.

He searched from the cenotaph to Hokage Mountain; he even dared searching the Uchiha Compound. But Sakura was nowhere to be found. Naruto began wondering if she left the village. If she had, the guards or ANBU would have stopped her. Right? As he continued to wander the streets he bumped into Kakashi.

"Naruto, why are you walking around in–"

"Sakura's gone!" he interrupted. "I went over to her place but she wasn't there. I've been looking all over for her. We gotta find her, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Don't worry Naruto, we'll find her," he said as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder to comfort him. "Where have you looked already?"

"I went to the cenotaph, the lookout at the mountain, the training grounds, and the hospital, but she wasn't there." His words spilled frantically from his mouth and he kept shifting his weight, not wanting to stand still while his friend was missing. He was so worried about her. He only prayed that she wasn't stupid enough to go out searching for Sasuke on her own.

"Go to the gates and ask if they've seen her leaving the village. If they haven't, inform them to keep a watch out for her just incase she tries to. I'll continue looking around the village."

Naruto nodded and quickly went on his way. Kakashi, however, was in no hurry as he began wandering down the street. He had a pretty good idea of where Sakura was but didn't want to get Naruto's spirits up if he was wrong. Really, there was only one other place he could think of that Naruto hadn't checked already that she might go.

When he entered the small compound he could feel the despair weighing heavily in the air. He took a breath and followed the dirt path to the side of the entrance. He ended up in a private cemetery. Looking around, he found Sakura sitting in front of her parents' graves right where he thought she would be.

"Did you have to summon me in the middle of the rain?" Pakkun asked after Kakashi called him.

He ignored his complaint though. "Go find Naruto and tell him to meet me back at Sakura's apartment. He should be near the gate."

"You owe me extra biscuits for this," the dog grumbled as he trotted off.

Kakashi walked up to her silently and knelt down next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. She was trembling slightly and he thought, perhaps, she was crying. But with the rain it was hard to tell. He slid off his jacket and wrapped it around her. Sakura turned and finally acknowledged him. Her eyes were red and puffy, proof that she had been crying.

For a moment they just stared at each other. Then without warning, Sakura flung herself into Kakashi's arms. He felt helpless as she buried her face in his chest and cried. How was he supposed to comfort her? What was he supposed to say, to do? He did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around her holding her closely to him.

The rain began to lighten, and so did Sakura's crying. She had stopped shaking but continued to cling to him. He guided her up to her feet. She wiped at her face to get rid of the final tears that rolled down her cheeks. She glanced up at him and he smiled softly as if to say, "Let's go." She nodded to the silent request and they started heading back to her apartment.

As they walked back, he kept an arm around her. Partly because he didn't trust her strength to not collapse under the pain she was feeling. And partly because it was the most affection he dared to show her. He would never admit it to anyone willingly—hell he had trouble admitting it to himself—but he felt more fondly of Sakura than he probably should. And recently he had been more compelled to reach out to her since she was in such a fragile state from so much loss; though he rarely did anything more than was expected from him.

Besides, he was her sensei, her senior, her friend. There were certain boundaries between them that he was assured to keep and didn't dare cross.

They arrived at her apartment before Naruto and Pakkun. Kakashi sat on the couch and waited as she went to change in the bathroom. Though, it was taking her longer than it should have and he began to wonder. He went over to the bathroom door and lightly knocked. "Sakura?" He pressed his ear to the door. She was crying again.

Cautiously, he opened the door and peered inside. Sakura sat hunched over on the floor half naked and crying. All over her thighs were faint lines left from past scars. But not all of them looked that old. He frowned as be put two and two together. Sakura had been cutting herself for some time now…

How had it come to this? Sakura should not have to suffer such great pain at such a young age, yet there always seemed to be more just around the corner these days. He felt futile as he stared at her scars and wondered what he could do to prevent more from appearing. Sadly, he didn't think there _was_ anything he could do.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he was by her side wrapping his arms around her. It was strange how her tears suddenly left her eyes. But then again, maybe that's all she needed, to be reassured that she was not alone.

After finally calming herself down, she sat back. When she went to brush her bangs from her face Kakashi caught her wrist. There were scars on her wrists too. Of all the scars, these looked the freshest. She clenched her fists and turned her face away from him.

"Don't get the wrong idea," she mumbled. "I was never trying to kill myself."

He knew it was the truth. All ninjas knew where the major veins and arteries were so if she had wanted to kill herself, she could have done so easily. But that did not change the fact that she was hurting herself. Why she would subject herself to _more_ pain on purpose confused him.

He raised her wrist to his lips and kissed the scars. "Don't ever do it again." He looked down at her and met her dumbstruck gaze. Neither of them knew why he had done it and he mentally reprimanded himself for not having more control over his actions.

Thankfully Naruto decided to burst through the front door at that moment. Kakashi stood up and turned away as Sakura quickly threw on her shirt and pants. She just finished tying the drawstring when Naruto came stomping into the room. He was panting, probably from running all the way here. And despite the fact that he was dripping wet, he pulled Sakura into a tight embrace.

"Naruto, you idiot," she complained as she tried to struggle free from his grip, "I just changed into dry clothes! Now I'm going to have to change again."

"I'm so glad you're alright Sakura. I couldn't find you anywhere. I thought something terrible had happened to you," he cried joyfully as he released her. The moment Pakkun had told him that Kakashi found Sakura he had been crying for joy.

Kakashi watched them and couldn't help but feel a small pang in his chest. Subconsciously he was jealous of Naruto, for being able to be so free with his emotions. However, he would never admit that even to himself. He refused to admit the taboo because if he did, then he knew he had truly lost his mind.

His eyes caught Sakura's. _"You're leaving now, aren't you?"_ her gaze said. He nodded to her and silently left.

He didn't get far though. He stood outside her apartment leaning against the wall beside the door. Why was his life always complicated and full of pain? Of all the many things he could do, it seemed he was never able to do what mattered most to him: protecting the ones he loved. He pushed himself off the wall and started out into the rain. He needed a drink.

–*–

**2 years later**

The times when Sakura never ventured far from her apartment were a distant memory. She smiled and laughed again, though not with the same joy that she use to have. But she was getting better. Instead of drowning her emotions away at home, she focused on improving her abilities under the guidance of Tsunade. When she wasn't training with her, she was off by herself practicing or sleeping. It seemed that the only things she ever did now were train, eat, train some more, and sleep.

At first everyone was happy that she seemed to be moving on finally. But after the first few months of constant training that ended her up in the hospital—on more than one occasion—from extreme chakra exertion, they became concerned again. Before, she did nothing but sulk. Now, she did nothing but push herself in her training.

Sure she had grown phenomenally, but that seemed to be the only thing in her life these days. Rarely did she hang out with friends or take time to relax. Tsunade had tried to force her to rest every so often but she never listened. She would just smile and say that she was fine. No one argued with her because they feared that if they pushed her too hard to relax, she would stop smiling and go back to her secluded sulking.

But Sakura had a dark secret she hid from everyone. Every time she stepped outside her apartment she put on a mask and played happy-go-lucky. Two years and still no one ever saw through her disguise. The fact she was almost constantly training helped. Shattering the earth and trees was a nice way to distract her thoughts and to release her emotions in a way other than crying.

These days, she had to keep busy. The only time she allowed herself to think and feel freely was at night when she went to bed. Most of the time though she was too worn out from training that she quickly passed into dreamless sleep. But when she couldn't, her mind tortured her and she would work even harder the next day to ensure the next night would not be the same.

She had become her greatest enemy. If for even the smallest moment she let her mind slip back to the past, she knew she would instantly crumble. She wanted to forget. She wanted to be truly happy again. But that dream had died a long time ago along with her parents and Sasuke's departure.

She was alone.

She was broken.

And she couldn't take it anymore.

Sunday morning, she called Tsunade telling her she was sick and was going to take the week off to recover and relax. Of course Tsunade had no objections and told her to take another week off too if she wanted.

Truthfully, she had no physical ailment; the only thing that made her sick was being there in Konoha. All morning, she packed all she dared into a large backpack. Most of it was food and supplies she needed to survive out alone. At dusk, she would leave the village. She already had made a fake mission scroll to get by the guards at the gate in case they gave her any trouble—she had to admit being the Hokage's apprentice had many perks. Everything was set, and now she just had to wait.

From the moment Kakashi woke up he felt something was off but he couldn't tell what. He went about his morning like normal yet he still had a sinking feeling that things weren't quite right. Maybe he was getting sick? He hadn't had a physical in a while so maybe something was wrong and his body was trying to tell him so.

As he made his way to the hospital a dot of pink bobbing through the crowd caught his eye. He stopped in the middle of the street and watched her as she walk towards him through the crowd. Just before she was about to pass him she glanced up, sensing his gaze, and stopped dead in her tracks.

For a moment they stood and stared at each other. Her gaze bore into him defensively as if she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't. There was something else in her eyes, something he couldn't decipher.

As suddenly as the moment started, it ended. Sakura continued on her way and Kakashi watched as she disappeared into the crowd. That strange feeling he had been having got vaguely worse.

**_A day passed_**

**_Then a week_**

**_Then half of the next_**

**_Eleven days had gone by since Sakura first told Tsunade she was feeling ill_**

"Hey Sakura," Naruto called as he knocked on her door. There was no answer. "Hey, are you there?" he tried again but to the same end.

**_Eleven days of not hearing any word from the girl about how she was doing now_**

The woman next door came out of her apartment and frowned at the loud boy. "Sakura's not home right now."

"Do you know when she'll be back?"

She shrugged. "All she mentioned to me was that she was going to be gone for some time on a mission."

"Oh… thank you." Since when did Sakura have a mission? The last time he checked, she was taking some time off because she got sick. Something was wrong. He had to go see Tsunade.

**_Eleven day of steadily growing anxiety_**

When he got to her office he went right in, ignoring the fact that the door was closed.

"Naruto, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Did you give Sakura a mission?"

"What? No, she's still sick. Now leave!"

Naruto remained stock still as it hit him. Sakura lied to them. Where she was now he couldn't even guess. Did she go after Sasuke? No, she couldn't have. They hadn't received any leads on him so it wouldn't make sense for her to blindly go out searching for him.

"Naruto, did you hear me?" Tsunade barked. "Get out of my office, now!"

"Sakura's gone."

**_Eleven days of Kakashi still wondering what was bothering him_**

"What? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I just went over to her place to see how she was doing. But her neighbor said that she left on a long mission about two weeks ago. My guess is that her _sickness_ was just a cover."

"But why would Sakura do that?"

Naruto shook his head.

Tsunade cursed and slammed her fist against the wall. She couldn't believe her apprentice would run away. Why hadn't she noticed something in the beginning? For Sakura to suddenly take a break from her training, she should have suspected something. She should have been checking up on her! With eleven days having already passed since when she suspected Sakura had left, she had high doubts that they would find her even if she sent out every available shinobi to look for her.

"Kakashi I need you to–" She turned to find herself talking to no one. Great now _Kakashi_ had run away. But she knew why he had gone. Though he should have waited for her orders, she could understand the urgency he must have felt to go out and start searching for her. "Naruto, I need you to lead a search team for Sakura."

**_Eleven days had gone by before chaos, yet again, broke loose_**

"It's no use, there's no scent to follow. Her trail is either too old or she covered it really well," Pakkun tried to explain to Kakashi for the millionth time.

"There has to be something!" Kakashi wouldn't take no for an answer. For the first time, his ninken were of no help. Still, he pushed on in a desperate attempt to come across _something_ that would lead him to Sakura.

Kakashi could lie to himself all he wanted but there was no getting something like this passed Pakkun. He had known the man long enough to know that he never acted this spontaneously before for anyone. There was only one explanation. He loved her. In fact, she was probably the first girl he cared so deeply about since… well, forever!

For days he searched, rarely taking time to rest. He didn't stop until he had completely exhausted himself. It was then the ANBU came for him to escort him back to the village. _I've gone mad now_, he thought to himself as they carried him back. Whether he liked it or not, his actions proved what he had been denying to himself for some time now. _I'm sorry… I couldn't be there for you…

* * *

_

_Barely conscience you'll say to no one  
Isn't something missing  
Please forgive me  
But I won't be home again  
Though I'd die to know you love me_

**[A/N: the fact that this ending quote is from "Missing" by Evanescence and the chapter is called "Evanescence" is not done on purpose, they just happened to be the title and closing I picked]**


	3. CH2 Redlight

**CH 2 – Redlight**

_Nine-inch heels come marching in  
To please a black tied dirty old man  
Crawling to you on her bruised knees  
Kind of makes me think…  
_

_

* * *

_

Spring was coming soon. Kakashi could feel it in the wind as it blew and no longer held a chill in it. His mission had gone well and he had finished early, so he decided to enjoy some tea and dango before heading back to Konoha. But as he ate, his mind wandered.

He thought about the day they all had discovered that Sakura had vanished. She had called in sick to work and said she was taking time off to recover and relax. Everyone trusted her to take care of herself. But after eleven days, Naruto had informed them that she was gone. She had lied to everyone and had run off somewhere for some unknown reason. Tsunade sent a few ANBU to scout the country for Sakura, but they couldn't find any trace of her. That had been six months ago and still there was no sign on the girl anywhere.

Kakashi sighed and stared at his food. How had he let his entire team fall apart? If Sasuke had not left, if he had stayed, would she have stayed too? If only Sakura had waited another two months, she would have seen Sasuke walking through the gates, finally returning home. But it was too late now. Team 7 would never be whole again; things would never go back to how they were before.

He paid for his food and left. He didn't feel like heading out yet, but he couldn't sit around thinking. He needed a distraction. He turned down various streets until he ended up in the town's Redlight District. Normally he would avoid places like this when out on missions. But lately, the stress of his failures was catching up with him.

"Come and see Lady Cherry's last performance! Better hurry up, tickets are going fast!"

Kakashi wandered over to the advertiser and the large crowd that had gathered around him. Behind the man was a poster with a painting of a seductive woman. Her kimono was sliding off her shoulders and her emerald eyes blazed fiercely from behind her ruby bangs. There was something about her that perplexed him, but he couldn't figure out what.

"Here," the man said as he held out a slip of paper out to Kakashi, "you look like you like you could really use a good show, stranger." Kakashi looked down at the gift. It was a ticket to the show. "Trust me, you won't regret it."

Kakashi was not about to argue against a free show and so he took the ticket, thanked the man, and walked inside the club. He was escorted to a private room where twenty or so other men were already sitting, waiting. He took his seat at the end of the runway where it met a large, round platform with a pole in the center.

Within the minute a topless waitress showed up and asked him what he wanted to drink. He thought for a moment on not getting anything but quickly decided against it and ordered an entire bottle of shochu. He ignored the pitcher of water she brought out with it and drank the alcohol straight up. The first shot burned his throat and made his head spin. The second—and third—made it impossible for him to think anymore.

Music started playing and the spotlights drifted toward the far end of the stage and silhouetted Lady Cherry. She slowly slinked out onto the stage in time with the music. As she did, her kimono fell from her shoulders revealing nothing more than platform heels, a corset, thong, and a garter belt holding up ripped fishnet stockings.

She wrapped a hand around one of the poles and slowly started to circle around it. When the music picked up she threw herself into a spin. She fluidly stepped out of it and twisted her body around so her back was against the pole. Slowly, she slinked down. Then she flipped her grip and pivoted on her toes as she stood back up.

She danced and spun and hung upside from the pole with such grace. Never before had he ever seen such a talented girl. He was quite grateful that the man had given him a free ticket. But as he watched her, he got a strange feeling. Maybe it was just the alcohol, but there was something bothering him.

She made her way down the stage, moving from one pole to another and rolling around on the edge of the stage to collect tips from the easily pleased men. When she got to the end of the runway she started from the left—the opposite side as Kakashi—and crawled her way around. When she finally came in front of him, they locked eyes and her seductive expression quickly changed to that of shock.

It wasn't until she spoke that he realized what was bothering him. "Sensei?" she breathed. She quickly got up and continued her routine, taking extra care to gradually move further and further away from him without too much suspicion.

But it was too late. He realized who she really was. Her hair may be red now, and many girls could have had such brilliant eyes, but there was no mistaking her voice and what she said. After so long, he had finally found her. He had found Haruno Sakura, and out of all places, in a strip club. And now was his only chance to bring her back to the village.

When her song ended, she all but ran off stage. She knew that bad things were going to happen now and desperately hoped that she would be able to get out of the club before Kakashi managed to get backstage into her dressing room.

Unfortunately for Sakura, Kakashi was a ninja; and a very good one too. "Hello, Sakura. Or should I call you _Lady Cherry_?" he said after she closed and locked the door.

She turned and found him leaning against the wall opposite her. Instinct told her to turn around and go right back out. But that wouldn't do any good. She sighed, knowing that no matter what she did she couldn't escape him now. She walked over and sat down in her chair and began removing her fake lashes and makeup.

"What are you doing here, sensei?"

"I should be asking you that."

"Hmp, you wouldn't understand…"

"Sakura–"

"Save it," she cut him off sharply. "I know what you're going to say. You're gonna try to convince me to return to the village. But I won't. There's nothing there anymore for me."

"He returned."

Sakura looked over at him, confused. "What?"

"Sasuke. He returned about two months after you disappeared."

She looked down at the table and bit her lip. Had he really returned to Konoha? She couldn't see any reason why Kakashi would lie about it. Still… it meant little to her. She had given up on Sasuke a long time ago. Her past feelings for him were not going to return just because he had finally returned.

"So? What do I care?"

"He wants you to return to the village." It was partially a lie, but he hoped Sakura wouldn't notice.

"Why?" she barked. She stood and faced him, making her chair fall back from the quick, violent action. "Why the hell would that bastard want me back? Last time I checked he didn't give a shit about any of us!"

Between her yelling and the alcohol, Kakashi had started to get a headache. He really didn't want this to be such a difficult situation. But then again, he was dealing with Sakura. Even though she had obviously changed a lot, she still remained as strong headed as ever.

"People change."

She snorted and shook her head. "You referring to Sasuke, or to me?" she asked coldly. She became even angrier when he didn't answer. At this rate, they would have kunai at each other's throats within the next few minutes.

However, Kakashi was in no mood—or condition—to fight anyone. And he really didn't want to fight Sakura. So he decided to end it before things got out of hand. He lifted his headband and before Sakura could think to not look, she fell into a deep sleep. Kakashi had to brace himself against the wall as he was hit by sudden vertigo. Using his Sharingan after drinking so much wasn't the best idea he had ever had. But he recovered quickly and left the strip club, taking Sakura with him.

–*–

All morning he had been staring at Sakura's sleeping figure trying to figure out how in the world she had ended up like this. She used to be such a sweet girl. Sure, she could be moody and never took shit from anyone, but she was never like _this_. He never thought she'd be one of those girls that would whore herself out to complete strangers. Then again, being out alone in the world could really change someone. It had with Sasuke. Still, for Sakura to turn out like this…

The sunlight just started to peek though the windows when Sakura stirred from under the pile of blankets she had cocooned herself in. Kakashi sat at the small table in the hotel room sipping coffee. He had a pretty bad hangover. With any hope, Sakura wouldn't make it worse as they traveled back to the village that day.

"Good morning, _sensei_." The way the word rolled off her tongue made it feel like an insult. Judging by the glare she was giving him as she sat up, it was supposed to be.

Now that he was more sober and the sun was now up, he could see her better. Her hair was as vivid as blood making her eyes really standout. She had let her hair grow out over the months and it now hit just above her new breasts. They were obviously implants and they now rivaled Tsunade's in size. Neither of these changes really suited her —at least not the Sakura he had known and loved.

"Get dressed," he said as he nodded towards the pile of clothes he left on the bed next to her. "We're leaving in ten minutes."

She pouted as she looked at the clothes. "Couldn't you have picked out something a bit more sexy? I think I'd rather walk around naked than wear this crap."

Kakashi held back the urge to groan and settled for just lazily glaring at her. "Stop being difficult and go put the clothes on already."

For a moment, it seemed that she was going to obey his orders with no further argument. But that was only for a moment. She gathered the clothes, got up, and dumped them in his lap. "Make me," she said and crossed her arms.

He looked up at her annoyed. Sakura may be a tough opponent when it came to staring contest, but Kakashi was better. However, considering she was still wearing the outfit she danced in last night, it wasn't as easy for him to keep his concentration. His eyes kept daring to betray him and roam down her body.

She realized his dilemma when his eye flickered for just a second down towards her body. A wicked smile drew across her face now that she knew his weakness. And it was that knowing, seductive, malicious grin that was the tipping point for Kakashi. He broke his gaze and looked over at the far wall. "Sakura…"

She giggled. "Yes, _sensei_?" A different kind of venom rolled off the word this time. Now when she said it, it was darker, more perverse. It was arousing and disturbing at the same time. She made it worse when she leaned in closer and placed a hand near the top of his thigh. Kakashi couldn't lie; she had become quite the femme fatale. However, she had gone too far.

He grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled it off his leg as he twisted it back. He stopped after she let out a small whimper of pain and gave her the coldest stare he had ever given anyone. For an instant he could see the old kunoichi he once knew in those terrified emerald eyes of hers.

"Get dressed, _now_, Sakura."

There was obviously no room for argument anymore. She pulled her wrist free, grabbed the clothes again and retreated into the bathroom. Kakashi let out a long sigh and rubbed his temples. They hadn't even left the hotel room and already she was giving him a migraine. This was definitely going to be a long day…

–*–

The journey back to Konoha was as pleasant and lively as a cemetery in the dead of a winter storm. Neither of them talked beyond the occasional exchange of when they were going to take a break to rest and eat. It was better that they kept to themselves. Neither had anything nice to say to the other, nor did either feel like getting into another argument. The tension between them was a thick molasses and everyone they passed along the road took extra care to go around them.

Once they were about two thirds of the way back to Konoha, Kakashi dictated to take a long break. They had been making good time and if they kept going at their pace, they would have arrived at early twilight. However, he thought it better to arrive under the cover of night. Tsunade would probably want to talk to her before anyone knew she was back.

They stopped at a fairly small village. There was a festival going on and the streets were alive with people talking, eating, and playing games at the stalls. He let Sakura go off on her own after she agreed to meet back at the post in two hours. But Kakashi wasn't so trusting of her.

He wandered off into an alley where no one could see him. He bit his thumb and summoned Pakkun. The pug yawned and scratched behind his ear before addressing him.

"Hey, Kakashi."

"I need you to follow Sakura. Make sure she doesn't try anything, okay?"

"Sakura? You mean you found her?"

He nodded. "She's really changed. I don't trust her."

"Don't worry boss, I'll keep an eye on her," he said and ran off into the crowd. Even with all the precautions he took to keep track of her, he was still anxious.

Sakura couldn't guess what the town was celebrating. Still, it was warming to see so many happy people. But as she let their happiness sink in, her memories were jarred. She remembered when she was seven and her mom took her to a festival in town. She had worn a cherry blossom patterned yukata and her hair was pinned up. It was the first time she had won a goldfish. Well, _she _didn't win it. She tried to but ended up crying because she couldn't get any rings around the bottles. Then a nice man came along and won her a fish. She remembered him handing it to her and patting her head as he told her not to cry anymore because she was too pretty to be sad, especially during a festival. And that man was… The memory escaped her. The only thing she could remember was the ridiculous crush she had for him weeks afterwards.

She wandered around in search of some decent food. She didn't feel like indulging in any of the sweets. If she was lucky, maybe she could find some vendor that sold alcohol. She wouldn't mind being a bit tipsy right now, especially considering she still had a long way to travel with Kakashi.

She walked the entire festival twice and couldn't find one drop of alcohol. What kind of festival was this? Normally the adults would be getting drunk as the kids got sugar highs. But not here. She found a relatively quite place and sat down on a crate. She rested her chin in her palm and tried to will time to go by faster as she watched everyone.

Her gaze fell upon a group of young men—probably around their early twenties—standing off to the side. She didn't care for the boys; she was more interested in the bottles they had in their hands. _Finally_, she had found some alcohol. She strolled over towards them and they all turned and watched her approach.

"Hey boys," she smiled coyly, "I couldn't help but notice the you have some beer. Spare a bottle for thirsty girl?"

A couple of them exchanged looks before one handed her a bottle. It didn't take a mind reader to figure out that they were probably planning on taking advantage of her. Why else would a group of young guys give a lonely girl alcohol? Sakura didn't care though. She would actually welcome any advances the guys made since she knew she most likely wasn't going to get any action once she got to Konoha.

"So what is a group of guys like yourselves doing off alone during a carnival? I'd have expected you to be off with your girlfriends."

The guys laughed lightly and continued to stare at her in interest. "There's not really any girls in this village worth dating," the guy that had handed her a beer said.

"I know what you mean. Small town girls can be such prudes," she said casually. It was almost funny at how easy it was for her to manipulate these boys; she almost felt sorry for them. Almost.

"What about yourself? I've never seen you around here before. Where you from?"

"I travel a lot. Never been able to find any place that I could settle down long enough I guess. Besides, why settle for one town when you can enjoy everything the world has to offer?" She idly ran her finger around the lip of her bottle, knowing full well the kind of suggestion it was giving off.

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she smirked. She chugged the rest of her beer and dropped the bottle on the ground. "Lead the way."

Before they took even one step a dog started barking. They looked around to see where the annoyance was coming from. When Sakura saw Pakkun at the end of the alley barking at them she quickly filled with dread. It wouldn't be long before Kakashi would show up and drag her off. But that was only if he could catch her.

She ran down the other end of the alley and started making her way out of the town. She refused to go down without a fight. It wasn't long before she cleared the town and just had to sprint across a field before she was into the forest. If she could make it into the woods, she had a better chance of escaping.

She ran and ran. However, she wasn't in the best shape now, since she hadn't been training for months, and grew tired quickly. She stopped by an ancient tree with large, tangled roots spilling up in waves from the ground. She squeezed herself between them until she felt that she was well hidden. Time seemed to pass by slowly as she waited. How long had she been hiding anyways? He must have lost her trail. Otherwise he surely would have found her by then, right? But she couldn't think about it anymore. She was too exhausted and needed sleep.

Sakura awoke after being dropped into a chair. She blinked a couple times as she got her bearings and looked around. She was in the Hokage's office, back in Konoha. She cursed to herself. Apparently Kakashi _had_ found her after she fell asleep in the woods and brought her all the way back to the village while she slept.

Kakashi stood next to her looking annoyed and tired. Tsunade was sitting at her desk glaring at her quietly. She gulped. If looks could kill, she knew that she'd be dead already.

Tsunade stood up and placed her hands on her desk. For a moment, she just stood there with her head hung. But Sakura knew better. This was the calm before the storm. Any second now Tsunade's gaze would lock onto her and Sakura would have to suffer the torrent of anger from the only kunoichi whose temper was feared more than her own in all of Konoha.

"Sakura…" It was obvious that Tsunade was trying to hold back her anger. That was a bad sign. If she had to force herself to keep calm then she must be pissed to hell and back. In some remote, blocked off part of Sakura's subconscious she was sure she felt guilty for making her shishou so upset.

"For now, you are to always be under Kakashi's watch," she started levelly, trying not to snap at the girl. "You are to go nowhere without him. You are to stay at his place for now until I arrange a place for you. If you so much as–"

"Wait, why do I have to stay with him? Couldn't I just stay with Ino? Or even Naruto?" Not that she really wanted to, but she had a point. She would rather have to put up with her friends than with Kakashi.

"Ino is too busy with her new family to watch over you and Naruto won't be back for a couple days. I refuse to allow you to stay by yourself and the only person I can trust to watch over you is Kakashi."

"Wait, Ino has a _new_ family? As in she got married?"

"Yes, Sakura. Ino is now married."

"Who the hell did she marry? When I left she wasn't dating anyone."

"That isn't important right now!" she snapped. She took a moment and sighed. "Kakashi."

Upon order, he grabbed Sakura arm and dragged her out of Tsunade's office. He ignored her protests as he continued tugging her along out of the building and towards his place. He didn't exactly care for Tsunade's decision but he knew it was for the best since he really was the only one in the village that could be trusted to look over the girl.

Sakura seemed to make it her mission in life to be as difficult as possible. After they got a block away from Tsunade's office she stopped walking and literally had to be dragged. Then he had to carry her dead weight up the stairs to the fourth floor of his apartment building where he lived.

Once inside, he dropped her on the couch. "Stay," he told her and left the room.

"I'm not a dog!" she called back.

Kakashi snorted. _Really, because you sure are acting like a bitch,_ he thought. He grabbed a couple blankets and a pillow from his closet and returned to the living room. Apparently Sakura had decided to make herself comfortable in his absence and was now sitting in nothing but her bra and underwear. It was official. Sakura was going to do everything she could to make his life hell and enjoy doing it too.

"You're sleeping on the couch?" she asked with a smile.

He frowned. "No, _you_ are."

"You know, it's not very nice to make a girl sleep on the couch while you get to sleep in a nice, comfy bed," she pouted. "But… I'm sure there's enough room in your bed for both of us."

"Don't even think about it, Sakura. You're sleeping out here. I'll tie you to the couch if I have to."

"Ooh, bondage. Sounds fun."

If there was ever a moment in his life that Kakashi felt like pulling out a kunai and slitting his throat wide open, now was probably it. It stunned him how much she had changed and how low she was willing to go to torture him with her perverse sexuality.

"Goodnight Sakura."

"Goodnight, sensei," she sang.

* * *

_I'm not god's angel  
I really thought you were aware  
That I could be your worst nightmare_


	4. CH3 Harboring

**CH 3 – Harboring**

_I'm sorry for changing  
__I can't be what you want me to be  
It's all said and done  
I'm sorry it isn't like it was

* * *

_

The next morning Kakashi woke up expecting hell. Instead he awoke to complete silence. That and Sakura's smiling face inches away from his. He rolled over to his other side and mentally cursed. He wasn't sure how long Tsunade planned on having him watch her like this but he had a feeling it was longer than his sanity could take.

"Do you always sleep with your mask on?"

"Get out of my room Sakura."

"But today you have to take me shopping."

"I do?" He never remembered promising her such a thing. And even if he did, they would go when he said so, not when she demanded it.

She sighed and moved to the other side of the bed to stare him in the face again. "The only reason I want to is so I won't have to hear you complain about what I'm wearing. Unless," she purred as her eyes roved over him, "you don't want me to get new clothes."

With a groan, he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. Give me half an hour."

"Okay," she beamed. However she made no attempt to get up and leave. Kakashi gave her a look but she just smiled as if nothing was wrong and played with her hair.

"Sakura."

"What?" She stopped playing with her hair and looked up at him.

"Do you mind?"

"Oh, not at all." But still she didn't move. He continued to stare at her and she continued to not care. She seemed too fascinated by her hair to notice his glare. Finally having enough of her and her stubbornness, he cleared his throat and motioned towards the door. She sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. "_Fine_, I'll leave. Jeez, you act as if I've never seen a guy naked before." Then she left.

The following days Sakura was just as difficult. If she weren't sitting on his bed staring at him when he woke up, she would pop into the bathroom to brush her teeth while he showered, or she was just stepping out of the bathroom after a shower, completely naked, just as he was leaving his bedroom.

She only seemed to act out in these indirect ways when they were alone though. If they were in public, she behaved rather well. If Shizune stopped by to check in on her, she was an angel. Her mischievous side only seemed to come out when they were alone in his apartment, typically at night or the early morning.

Maybe she really wasn't trying to torment him and he was just over analyzing things. Being back in Konoha seemed to be helping her, though she still wasn't allowed to see her old friends yet. In fact, there were only a very small handful of people that knew she was in the village. And whenever they would go out, she had to dawn a henge jutsu to disguise herself.

Slowly, he gave her more freedom. They went out more often and gradually he let her wander further away from him. She wasn't aware of it, but he also had a tracking seal on her so he knew where she was. If she tried to run, he would know. If she knew what was good for her, she wouldn't break the small amount of trust she had.

After being back for two weeks, Sakura wanted to celebrate by going out to dinner. He agreed and that night they went to a small restaurant a few blocks from his place. It was fairly busy that night but they didn't have t wait long for a table.

"Can I start you off with some drinks?" the waitress asked them.

"Just water for me," Kakashi said.

"Could I get a Long Island Iced Tea?" Both Kakashi and the waitress looked her, but neither said a word.

"Would you like any appetizers?"

Kakashi glanced at Sakura but she shook her head. "No thanks."

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks."

Sakura idly watched her leave and glanced around the restaurant before looking back at Kakashi. He was still staring at her. "What?"

"Since when did you drink?"

"Since the night I–" she stopped short. She looked down at the table and took a second to rethink her words. "Since I started my current _occupation_."

She was obviously hiding something. He could read it in her body language and hear it in her voice. He could also tell that she was not going to give up more information willingly, and if he tried too hard to pry it from her, she'd completely shut him out. His mind buzzed as he tried to piece together the few pieces he had. Clearly her drinking habit was a result of her becoming a prostitute. But it seemed a bit more than that because she was reluctant to talk about it. And again, he wondered about what happened to her after she left the village.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yaki-udon, please."

"And for you?" she asked turning to Sakura.

"I'll have the deep-fried yuba rolls."

"Coming right up."

Sakura idling sipped her drink after she left. It would be another ten minutes before they got their food. And that meant ten minutes of awkward silence since neither of them knew what to talk about.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," she said. She got up and left, leaving him alone.

He signed and sat back in his chair. It seemed weird to be doing such a normal thing, like going out to dinner, with Sakura under their current circumstances. Things almost felt normal again even though he knew they were far from it. He had a sinking feeling about this little piece of almost-bliss.

It was just after they got their food that things went down hill. A few feet away from them at the bar a couple of guys started to get into a rather loud argument. It quickly escalated and soon there was broken glass and broken skin.

"Kakashi." Sakura looked at him with concern.

He sighed and got up. Even though it wasn't his job to break up the fight, he knew that there wasn't likely anyone else that could. "Hey, take it outside you too."

"Chh, who the hell are you to boss me around," one of the drunks said.

"A shinobi that risks his life so you can merrily get drunk."

Both guys started laughing. "Are you serious? Like an old man like you is really a shinobi."

"I will ask you one last time to leave. If you don't, I will thow you out myself."

The men stopped laughing and looked at him. They had no clue who Kakashi was. If they had, then they would have been smart enough not to try and throw a couple of pathetic punches at him. Kakashi easily dodged their attacks and twisted their arms behind their backs. He then escorted them to the front door and promptly shoved them into the streets.

"Thank you," Sakura said when he sat back down. "I can't stand guys like them."

"Drunk, stupid, or immature?"

She laughed. "All of the above."

They enjoyed the rest of their meal in peace, even managing to have an entertaining conversation. Still, Kakashi couldn't help but get a strange feeling. He equated it to the fact that he was with Sakura and that he still found himself in love with her even after she had changed so much.

On their way home, that strange feeling he had grew. However, it now felt like he was going to be sick. Maybe it was food poisoning. His food had tasted a bit off but he thought it was just the fact he hadn't eaten at that restaurant in awhile so he wasn't use to the food. Maybe he would have Sakura look him over once they got home. He wasn't sure how much of her medical training she remembered but it was worth a shot.

"Do you still remember what Tsunade taught you?" he asked after pretty much collapsed on the couch.

"A bit, I guess. Why? Are you not feeling good?"

"No. I think it might have been something I ate."

She walked over to him and placed the back of her hand on his forehead. "What are you're symptoms?"

"Nausea mainly. A bit of fatigue and vertigo too."

"Hm." She placed her hands on her hips and stared at him quizzically. "Five more minutes, max," she nodded.

"What?"

A wicked smile grew on her face and her eyes began to sparkle with ill intentions. "Oh Kakashi-sensei," she sighed and ran the backs of her fingers down his masked cheek. "To think, a shinobi of your skills fell for a little girl's tricks so easily." She laughed lightly and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Goodnight sensei."

He tried to get up and go after her as she walked away but he only ended up on the floor. His muscles were barely responding now and he could feel his mind slipping. He cursed to himself. Tsunade was going to chop off his head for this—and most likely not the one between his shoulders.

No one bothered her as she walked towards the Uchiha compound. With a little bribing of some of the local boys she had learned that Sasuke had moved back into his compound that he now was fixing up. They had also said Sasuke was seeing someone but she couldn't possibly believe that. As far as she knew, there were no girls in the village that Sasuke would waste his time on. Then again, Kakashi had said he had changed.

Regardless, she was going to see him. She just had to get back to the apartment before Kakashi woke up. Otherwise he would be very confused on why she wasn't there and would likely end up telling Tsunade. She was really beginning to see the plus side to knowing how to create drugs that could knock someone out and erase their memory about what happened right before the lights turned off. She would have to thank Tsunade sometime for that.

It was strange walking into the Uchiha compound. Even though Sasuke had fixed it up, the air still held the ominous shiver of death in the air. It wasn't too hard finding which house he was staying in—it was the one of the first houses inside the compound gates. She walked up to the door, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

"Can I help you?" he asked when he opened the door.

Her jaw dropped a fraction. He looked so different, yet completely the same. His hair was longer and his face held less anger than before. His eyes, however, were just like they always were.

"Who are you?"

"Don't recognize me?" she smiled. He narrowed his eyes at her but he still didn't seem to make the connection. She rolled her eyes and then dropped the henge. "How about now?"

It took him a moment but realization seemed to finally dawn in his eyes. "Sakura?"

"Don't get too excited," she said dryly. Obviously he didn't care to see her. And that bothered her. They used to be teammates and they hadn't seen each other in nearly three years. Surely he could have been a _bit_ more excited to see her.

"What are you doing here, Sakura?"

"Can't I stop by to see how you are? I heard you returned to Konoha and that you were different, so I wanted to see if it was true. Though I see your attitude hasn't changed much."

He sighed and leaned against the doorframe. "Look, if that's the only reason you came here then come back another time. I'm in the middle of dinner right now."

"Sorry for interrupting your dinner of one."

"Who said I'm alone?"

"Who would you have over? Naruto?"

"Sasuke, who is it?" a woman called form inside the house, as if on cue. Sakura swore she recognized the voice but she couldn't place it. Then the woman came to the doorway and looked her over with a puzzled look. "Sakura?"

"Hinata?" She sounded more hysterical than the other girl. Why the hell would _Hinata_ be over at Sasuke's? Then her gaze fell on her hand on his shoulder. Was that a wedding ring on her finger? She looked down at Sasuke's hand and he had one too. "You're joking…"

"When I first returned, I had thoughts of asking you, but it turned out that you left the village."

She could understand that Sasuke wanted to start a family once he returned to the village. However, she couldn't understand that he would pick Hinata to start said family with him. Out of all of the girls, why did he pick her? Was it because of her bloodline? Whatever the reason, it was beyond Sakura. If Sasuke had changed this much, she wasn't sure she wanted to know how everyone else was doing.

"You know what, sorry for interrupting your dinner." She turned on her heels and made her way out of the compound without another word. She turned down street and headed straight to the nearest bar. This occasion definitely called for alcohol.

One margarita made her feel happy and fuzzy inside.

Two margaritas made her forget about the fucked up situation with Sasuke.

Three margaritas made her forget that she was supposed to still have her henge on and that she needed to be back at Kakashi's place. Soon.

By her forth, she was drunk and laughing with the entire bar as she hit on almost everything that moved.

"Hey there," she said as she plopped herself in a different seat at the bar. She had been progressively making her way throughout the bar in search of a decent guy to hook up with.

"Sakura? Is that really you?"

"You know me?" She looked over at him and squinted as she tried to remember him. The red marks on his cheeks seemed familiar, but it had been so long since she had seen them and she was far too gone in alcohol land to remember much. "Forgive me, you're going to have to remind me who you are."

"Kiba."

"Oh, yeah, okay. Now I remember. Long time no see, eh?"

"When did you get back?"

"Hmm… two weeks ago I think? But enough about me, tell me about you?" She slowly let her eyes wander over the boy. She grabbed his left hand and pulled it closer to her. Yup, there was definitely a ring on his finger too. Were all of the Rookie 9 getting married? "When did this happen?"

Kiba pulled back his hand. "A few months ago."

"To who?"

"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you."

She started laughing. "After finding out that Sasuke is with Hinata, I don't think there's anything else that could shock me."

"So you know about the baby, then."

"What baby?"

Kiba looked away. Obviously she hadn't heard about it and he just opened his mouth when he shouldn't have.

"What baby, Kiba?" she asked again.

"It's not my place to say okay. Just drop it."

Sakura cupped his cheek and turned his head to make him look at her. She leaned in close and, again, asked him, "What baby?"

"Get your mitts of my man you hoe," some snippy girl barked. She grabbed Sakura by the shoulder and shoved her back away from Kiba. They locked eyes and both girls froze in shock. "Forehead?"

"Ino-pig." Even she had changed. Her hair was shorter than before and she traded her skimpy kunoichi outfit for a more modest tank top and capris. Her features seemed softer than before. Even so, she still had the same temper by the looks of it.

"What are you doing here?" The way she said it made Sakura feel like she didn't want her there.

"Here in the bar or here in the village?" But she didn't answer her. "I was dragged back to the village and I'm here, obviously, to drink."

"And to hit on the entire bar it seems."

"Jealous much?"

She snorted. "More like disgusted."

Sakura glared at her disdainfully. Out of everyone, Ino was one of the last people comment on anyone being a slut. Everyone knew that she once had the biggest rep for putting out.

"Come on, Kiba. Let's go." She grabbed the boy's hand and started pulling him away. As she did, she noticed the matching ring on her finger. So _she_ was the girl Kiba meant. He was right; she could barely believe he got married to her.

She turned back to the bar and nodded to the bartender. "Give me a Gin and Tonic."

"Sorry Miss, but I think you've had enough tonight."

"What?" she carped. "I think I'll be the one to say when I've had enough!"

"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

"Why? I haven't done anything."

He nodded to two guys at the other end of the bar. "Sorry but you're causing a scene. Now I have to ask you again to leave. If you don't I will have you escorted out."

"Chh, your threats don't scare me. Do you even know who I am?" Fifteen drinks and six months ago she could have that would have had easily taken these guys. Fifteen drinks and six months ago she also wouldn't have been stupid enough to actually threaten them and then attempt to punch one of the men behind her.

They easily grabbed her by the arms and started towing her out of the bar. She kicked and protested the entire way. She felt hopeless and weak in their grasp and she hated it. She hated that everyone had moved on without her. She hated feeling that no one needed her, that no one wanted her.

She stumbled into the cold wet streets. She glared back at the men that threw her out. Couldn't they at least have the decency to not throw a girl out into the rain? She began wandering the streets, taking a turn here and there. It didn't really matter where she went. The barren streets seemed like the most suiting place for her anyways.

She ended her journey at a set of familiar gates. She couldn't read the writing on them but they made her feel so nostalgic. She pressed through the gates and looked around. The estate inside felt so alone and deserted. Was there anyone even living here anymore? It didn't feel like it.

There was a small dirt path to the side something told her that she had to follow it. She could feel that she had been here before but she couldn't remember when. She walked pass graves of people she felt she once knew but could no longer remember. She stopped before two graves and her heart swelled with familiarity. Why did she know this place? She knelt down and wiped the gravestones off and read the names.

_Haruno Satoshi_ and _Haruno Umiko_

Memories started coming back to her. Those were her parents' names. These were their graves. This used to be their house—all of theirs. She remembered the day she became a chuunin and how proud they were of her; and the day she moved into her own place; and the day when she was told her father died during a mission and the day she went to visit her mom and she found her dead in the bathtub.

It hurt to remember everything again. Tears stung her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I haven't been here in so long, I almost forgot. How terrible am I for almost forgetting my parents? But it's probably better than your gone now. You would probably hate who I've become more than all my friends seem to."

This was why she didn't want to come back. She knew if she did she would remember and all the pain would come rushing back and threaten to suffocate her. This is not how she imagined her life would be.

—*—

"Ow," Kakashi groaned. He awoke when he hit his head on the leg of the coffee table. His muscles felt heavy, his head was pounding, his stomach threatened to bring up his dinner and, when he sat up, he was suddenly struck with vertigo. He didn't remember coming home from dinner, let alone crashing on the floor. The clock read ten o'clock but the last time he checked it was still eight.

"Sakura?" he called as he struggled to his feet. She didn't answer so he called her again, "Sakura?" Silence. He tried sensing the tracking seal he put on her. It was feint but she was still in the village and she wasn't moving.

As quickly as he could manage, he set out to go get her. To his dismay it was also raining. The closer he got to her, the more he felt like this had happened before. When he found himself at the old Haruno compound he really felt like this had happened before. Then he remembered that a couple weeks after Sasuke had left, she had run away and he had found her crying at her parents' graves. And he had a feeling that he'd find her there again.

He walked back to the cemetery and found her curled up on the ground. He walked up to her and she looked up at him. Her eyes were puffy and there was some dirt on her cheeks. He knelt down and brushed it off for her. For a moment, he thought he really was in the past because she looked just as fragile and frightened as she had years ago.

"Let's go home," he said. For a moment she seemed unsure. But she nodded slowly and stood up with tears still in her eyes.

Back at his apartment, the past continued to replay as she went to the bathroom to change into some dry clothes. He anxiously stood outside the door waiting to hear her start crying again or for the smell of blood. The door opened and Sakura came out in an oversized shirt perfectly fine, so to speak.

"Would it be all right if I stayed with you in your room tonight?" she tentatively asked. "I don't want to be alone, that's all."

There was no way he could tell her no. He could tell she was trying to put on a strong face and he knew just how fragile she was underneath it all. And like last time, maybe all she needed to know was that someone was there for there, that cared for her.

So she curled up under the covers while he slept on top of them. He didn't dare fall asleep before her, but almost from the moment she fell asleep she started mumbling and tossing. Gradually her words became clear enough for him to understand. She was calling out for Naruto and Kakashi to help her, to stop someone from doing something. Then he really couldn't sleep knowing that even in her sleep she was being tormented.

He sighed, feeling there was a good chance that he would regret what he was about to do. He rolled over and placed his arm around her. Sensing his protection, her squirming gradually calmed and her soft cries for help became less frequent. As sleep gradually overtook him, he couldn't help but savor the moment, even though he wished the circumstances were different.

* * *

_Picking up the pieces  
Stitching it together  
You keep crying  
Till you cannot see at all  
Crying, crying  
Till you cannot breathe at all_


	5. CH4 Eating Crow

**CH 4 – Eating Crow**

_Fate is an elegant cold-hearted whore  
She loves salting my wounds  
Yeah she enjoys nothing more

* * *

_

Seeing everyone again had been rough; the drinking that resulted from said encounters had left her with the nastiest of hangovers and so she had slept most of yesterday. But Sakura already had a plan on how to make up for it today. All morning she had been wearing a smile and sometimes Kakashi would swear he saw the old Sakura in her. But the old her would always quickly disappear as that smile turned a little more mischievous and her eyes got that hint of seduction in them.

"Have you ever had Black Cherry Poison before?" She looked over the back of the couch at him. He glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow. Honestly, he had no clue what she was talking about. After he didn't respond she rolled her eyes. "We should totally have some tonight. They're the best drink ever."

"Thanks, but I'll pass. And you just got over a hangover."

"Oh come on Kakashi-sensei. We've both been pretty stressed lately so I say we should have a bit of fun tonight with some drinks and maybe play some cards or something. What do you say?" She propped herself further up on the back of the couch and gave him the classic puppy dog eyes.

And still keeping with her mission to torture him in any way she could, she purposely leaned forward to give him a better view of her cleavage. She was obviously up to something. The last time she looked at him like that she had drugged him and went to see Sasuke. And that had been just two days ago. He wasn't sure if she was stupid enough to try the same trick twice so soon. Hell, he wasn't sure he could ever resist falling for her tricks with the way she looked at him like that.

With her being a siren straight from hell and him being but a simple man, he gave in rather quickly. "Fine," he sighed. "What do we need to get?"

After going to nine different stores they finally had everything they needed to make the drinks. Most of it they got at the first market. The only thing they couldn't find was the liquor that Sakura wanted. Kakashi tried to get her to buy something that _was_ in the store but she refused, saying that they didn't have anything strong enough. That made Kakashi worry. Exactly how strong was this drink she was making for them?

He resigned himself to watching TV from the small table in the kitchen while Sakura mixed the drinks. She happily buzzed around the kitchen and he couldn't help but feel a certain warmth from watching her move around his place so naturally as if it were her own. Months ago he would have secretly dreamed about something like this. But now it was bittersweet because the Sakura before him was a vamp, and no longer the kunoichi she use to be.

"Here," she said and set a shot glass in front of him. She sat down across from him with her own shot. "Okay, first you lick the sugar off the rim, then you drink it. Be careful not to swallow the cherry. You'll want to eat the cherry right after though otherwise the alcohol will really hit you."

He eyed the shot before him and looked back at her. He wasn't sure if he trusted her enough to drink it. It wasn't out of fear that he would dislike the drink, but because she had already drugged him once. And this would be the perfect opportunity for her to do it again.

She rolled her eyes as she guessed his hesitation. She grabbed his shot glass and did exactly as she had instructed him to do. She spit the cherry pit back into the shot glass before she slammed it down on the table. Five seconds later she pulled out the cherry stem tied perfectly in a knot.

"I have no reason to drug you again, sensei, so stop worrying and get drunk with me already." She slid the other full shot glass towards him and stared at him intently, waiting for him to drink.

It was a peculiar mix of flavors and even though he ate the cherry right away like she said, the alcohol still hit him. However, he was also not use to having such high proof alcohol as Sakura apparently was.

She laughed at his grimace. "Yeah that's how I reacted my first time too. It gets better the more you drink," she promised as she picked up the shot glasses and went to refill them.

Kakashi was done after his second shot. Sakura called him party pooper and took a third shot. She tried to go get a forth but she was already stumbling over her own feet and Kakashi refused to allow her to have any more.

"You're already more drunk than you were the other night."

"So?" she complained. "I need some kind of buzz and alcohol is the only way I can get it right now since I can't have sex."

She looked over at him after she said it. It was a crazy thought. But maybe it was just crazy enough to work. She walked across the kitchen right up to Kakashi. Before he could stop her, her mouth was on his. Her arms snaked around his neck and she pulled herself onto his lap.

At first he just sat there unresponsive. But for whatever reason, that quickly changed as his hand entangled in her hair and the other pulled her closer against him as he kissed her back. Her tongue teased his bottom lip and he gladly opened his mouth for her. She tasted sweet, like cherries.

She pulled back and stood up. "Come on," she whispered and started pulling him out of his chair towards the general direction of his bedroom. His movements were sluggish as he got to his feet and followed Sakura. Halfway to his bedroom he reached out for the wall for support so he wouldn't fall over. But it was too late. He stumbled to his knees before falling over unconsciously onto the floor. Sakura looked down at him and smiled. That had taken less time than she expected it to. She knelt down beside him and brushed a few stray hairs from his face.

"Foolish man," she mused, perfectly sober, and placed a soft kiss upon his forehead.

–*–

She hadn't expected her plan to go so well. Really, she found it ridiculously easy to take advantage of a man that was supposed to be one of the best shinobi in all the land. Not that she was complaining. The fact that she had been able to drug him and get hired on the spot at one of the local brothels was like a breath of much needed fresh air for her.

She adjusted her kimono so that it just slipped off her shoulders. While she waited for her first customer to show up she touched up her make up and combed her hair. She stopped when the door opened. When she turned around to greet the man her jaw dropped a fraction. Out of everyone that could have been her first customer, she couldn't believe it was _him_.

He looked just as surprised as her and for a moment she thought he was going to leave. After a few moments of serious contemplation and an exchange of curious stares, he stepped inside and slowly closed the door behind him. He didn't make any further move as he continued to stare at her in bizarre curiosity.

Sakura was able to brush off the shock better than him though and smiled as if nothing was wrong. She moved over to the center of the room where a large futon lay on the floor surrounded by a sea of plush pillows. "Come sit," she beckoned and patted the bed beside her. He raised an eyebrow daring to believe that this was actually happening. She laughed lightly and tilted her head slightly to the side. "I promise I won't bite. Unless you want me to, Jiraiya-sama."

"I heard you had fallen into this profession but I never imagined I would ever run into you. Especially in Konoha."

She smiled coquettishly at him again. "Do you really think I'd just sit around and do nothing after Kakashi-sensei dragged me back here?"

He sighed and finally submitted. It seemed that none of the great shinobi of this village were strong enough to not be drawn in by her. He walked over to her but he sat in front of her, keeping a fair distance between them. "If I wasn't half drunk already I'd be dragging you into Tsunade's office right now."

"Lucky me," she said, crawling over to him and placing a hand on his chest.

He grabbed her wrist and looked her dead in the eye. She could see he was still debating the circumstance in his head. "That doesn't mean anything is going to happen."

She withdrew her hand and sat back, knowing just how thin the ice she walked on was. "Would you like some sake?"

"No."

Obviously this night was not going to get much more pleasant. She mentally sighed as she poured herself a cup of sake and drank half of it on one gulp. Maybe with a little alcohol in her system the night would go by a bit faster.

"Out of all the kunoichi I know in this village, you were one of the last I thought would ever resort to this."

"I didn't _resort _to anything. Is it really that hard to think I actually _chose_ this?"

"Yes."

She frowned at him and drank the rest of her sake. She was so sick and tired of hearing everyone say that. If they had gone through what she had, then maybe they would understand her better.

"You know Jiraiya, if we're not going to do anything then you might as well leave. I'm tired of being lectured by everyone and I haven't had any since I got here."

"I feel sorry for Kakashi and Tsunade," he sighed. "They don't deserve to have a failure of a student like you."

"Shut up!" She picked up the closest thing—which happened to be the sake bottle—and threw it at his head. He easily blocked the bottle with his arm but it still broke and spilled all over him. "What the hell do you know? You have no right to judge me like that!"

Jiraiya sat quietly as she exploded. Her emotions had always gotten he better of her but he had never seen her this emotionally fragile. There was something seriously wrong with her. He knew he had to get her out of there. The only place he could think of to take her was to the Hokage Tower, to Tsunade. He sighed and stood up.

"Hey, let go of me!" she protested when he grabbed her wrist. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Where are you taking me?" She struggled against his grip but to no avail. Already he could feel a headache coming on and he knew it would only get worse once he brought her to Tsunade.

—*—

"What do you mean, you _lost _her?" Tsunade roared.

Kakashi was getting very used to her outbursts of rage lately. But that didn't mean he still didn't find her frightening. "She drugged me."

"_Again!"_

"Not my fault she's an expert with drugs," he shrugged.

Her eyes narrowed at him dangerously. Her unspoken question hung in the air like a kunai just centimeters from his throat. It wasn't Tsunade's fault Sakura had proved to be a great student retaining everything she had learned and happened to use it perfectly against Kakashi; he didn't mean to suggest so. Tsunade sighed, frustrated beyond hell, and turned her attention to the windows behind her. "You still have her tagged don't you?"

"Yes but…" The repercussions of him finishing that sentence were just about as worse as if he didn't finish it. But she would find out sooner or later so might as well just get it over with now. "It seems she's blocked my chakra so I can't sense where she is."

Tsunade slapped her hand over her face with an audible smack and groaned. She wasn't sure if she should be proud that Sakura had developed such great skills or completely besmirched that one of the best jonin in the nation—and arguably the world—had fallen for her tricks so easily. _Twice_! She groaned again at the thought and flopped down in her chair. She was getting too old for all this stress.

It didn't help when someone burst through the door. Lazily she looked up to find Jiraiya holding a scantily clothes girl by the arm. It took her a moment to realize that it was Sakura. Her fury quickly returned. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Uh, you'd rather _not_ know," Jiraiya answered.

Tsunade looked between the two of them. Her brow knitted together as she began to draw her own conclusion to what he meant. "You didn't…?" Sakura only smiled in response. "What the _hell_ are you thinking? Have you really lost _all_ respect for yourself? I can't believe that this is how you act after I've been so generous to you–"

"_Generous_?" she barked, cutting her off. "I don't have a single drop of freedom here!"

"Would you rather be dead?" That quickly shut Sakura up. "When Kakashi returned with you, you should have been killed for abandoning the village! Even after Kakashi told me _where_ he found you, I was hopeful that you would change back to your old self after being back. But I guess I was wrong."

"What do you care anyway? It's _my_ body. I'll do with it what I want."

Tsunade shook her head as she chewed her lip. She had gone mad; they all had! Sane people would not be having this argument right now. And she _had_ to be completely insane for ever resorting to what she was thinking. "Since you really don't care anymore I guess I'll just hand you over to Ibiki. Normally we don't subject rogues to such treatment but I don't care anymore."

_Ibuki? No, she said Ibiki. She said Ibiki,_ Sakura told herself. Her chest began to tighten and her breaths became shorter. "No… no, no, no…" she chanted to herself. Memories itched in her mind to be released but she couldn't allow herself to remember them.

"I'm sorry, Sakura," Tsunade said, not realizing the girl was talking to herself. "If you are no longer going to obey the laws I have no choice but to kill you. You deserted our village with such great knowledge of our secrets and… I don't think I can trust you anymore to keep quiet, yet alone stay here." Tsunade nodded to Kakashi. He understood the silent order and grabbed Sakura's arms.

That was the breaking point. Sakura started screaming and trashing, trying to get out of his grasp. "No! Stay away!" Tears began streaming down her face as she continued to go crazy.

Kakashi pulled her against his chest and whispered in her ear, "Calm down." She instantly froze as her eyes went wide in terror. She choked for breath and fell to her knees.

"No… no, please. Kakashi-sensei, don't let them do this to me," she cried softly. Her voice was distant and hallow and dripping with fear.

"Don't call me that," he said coldly. "You are no longer my student. You're nothing but a whore now." She felt a large piece of herself shatter. She had lost Kakashi now too. Was there anyone left that still cared for her?

"So this is what it's really come to?" she choked. She tried to keep her voice as steady as she could but it still cracked every few words. Her thoughts were racing between the past and the present. Her desperate search to find herself had ended her here, where the people who use think so highly of her now saw her as nothing but a petty whore. It was driving her mad! She couldn't stop thinking about that night. The night everything changed…

"You think I'm the only one that's messed up in life? Please! You can't honestly tell me that none of you have even done something you completely regret. I didn't even _do_ anything yet still my life is so fucked up. You guys judge me so tyrannically but you don't even know what the hell happened! You really wanna know why I'm so goddamn fucked up? I was gang raped, okay?! —"

_It had been almost two months since she left the village. She was tired, hungry, and in need of supplies. She lost a lot of her things in a recent thunderstorm. It came so quickly that she was already soaked to the bone by the time she found shelter. The rain did more than soak her, though. Most of her food was ruined along with a few scrolls. She couldn't even make a fire to keep warm because there was nothing dry to burn._

_That was a week ago and now Sakura happened upon a small village in the middle of nowhere. She looked around for an inn, hoping that there would be one that was within her price range—which was next to nothing. She longed to sleep in a nice warm bed again. Ever since she ran away she had been sleeping in the woods and her body ached from it._

_The sweet aroma of food wafted through the air and her stomach growled. Her mouth watered as she thought of finally having a full, hot meal. She cursed to herself for not bringing more money and pushed herself onward on her search for a place to stay._

_She had no luck. She had managed to find the only inn in the entire village but the prices were too steep. She tried to haggle with the man that owned the inn, but he refused to lower the price low enough for her. Defeated, she wandered into a tavern and sat at the bar._

"_Here," the bartender said and placed a tall glass of beer and a plate of fries in front of her, "you look like you could really use something."_

"_Thanks, but I don't have the money."_

_He shook his head and smiled at her. "It's on the house."_

"_Thank you," she smiled modestly. He nodded and went to serve the other customers._

"_You need someplace to stay tonight?"_

"_Excuse me?" Sakura looked over to see a smiling gentleman sitting next to her. His eyes crinkled at the corners giving his age at around mid-thirties, maybe forty. By the look of his skin it was clear he was a farmer, like most of the people in the village._

"_If you can't pay for a small meal like that, then you couldn't possibly afford staying at the inn."_

"_Don't worry about it. I have no need to impose on you."_

"_Really it's not a problem. My wife and I see travelers and shinobi pass through this village all the time. We like to help them out by giving them a roof to sleep under. There aren't many people who show such hospitality in this world, and we like to make sure that we do to anyone that needs it."_

_Sakura thought it over for a second. It _was _a great offer, and this man seemed honest enough. She casually glanced down and sure enough there was a gold band around his left ring finger. "Thank you, you're too kind. I don't know how I could eve repay you."_

_He chuckled. "Oh don't worry about it. I'll take you over when you're done eating your food."_

_She smiled back at him before turning back to her food. Though they were only French fries, they tasted like heaven compared to what she had been dining on the last few weeks. The beer wasn't so great. It was the first time she had ever had alcohol, and by the taste of the beer, it would be her last. But she downed it anyway since she was in need of some sort of drink._

_She finished quickly and thanked the bartender again before leaving with the man. As they walked out, she could already feel fatigue throughout her body and was relieved to know that soon she'd be in a warm, comfy bed. They walked outside and started down the street. But that was all Sakura could remember._

_When she woke up her body ached like hell. She tried to move but found herself restrained. She forced her eyes open and wearily looked around. She was in some kind of cellar that was poorly lit by a couple candles. It reeked like rotten vegetables and dead rodents. She looked up to find her wrists tied together above her head from a support beam in the ceiling. She tried to get to her feet but her legs were like jelly under her weight. She tried to summon her chakra but nothing happened. It was as if it was all gone._

_She heard a door open followed by footsteps. Three men came down the stairs and stood before her, one of who was the man from the bar._

"_You're finally awake," he said._

"_What the hell is going on?" she croaked. Her throat was dry and it hurt to talk._

_He laughed. "Little girls should know better than to take their eyes off their drinks."_

_Her eyes widen in shock. They had drugged her. She cursed to herself for being so stupid and fought the sudden urge to cry. She never would have thought this would happen to her when she left the village. Hell, she was wishing she had never left in the first place. And now, she was alone, and at the mercy she knew these men didn't have._

"_Daichi, hold her."_

"_With pleasure, Ibuki." The man named Daichi moved forward and made his way towards Sakura. He moved around behind her and sat down. His breath on her neck made her shudder in disgust. He reached around her and pulled her legs back. She fought against him but to no avail. Whatever drugs they had used on here were strong, leaving her completely feeble._

"_Now, now," Ibuki mused. "The only thing struggling will do for you is get us more aroused."_

_Her body trembled in fear as he stepped closer and closer to her. "Awe, she's so scared now," Daichi laughed and licked her neck. "Just how I like them." She shuddered and tried to pull away from him. She hated the feel of his mouth on her, of his hands on her._

_Ibuki knelt down in front of her and pulled out a kunai. The look in his eyes was pure, sick, sadistic joy as he cut away her top. His eyes rolled over her shaking body as he continued to cut her clothes off._

"_What, not even going to scream?" he mused as he tore off her panties, leaving her completely naked now._

No_, she thought. She already knew that he was enjoying every ounce of fear that she showed and she refused to give him the pleasure of making her scream._

"_Scream," he commanded. But still she refused. His mouth twisted in a scowl. "I said _scream_!" He slashed the kunai across her cheek but still she did not scream. He glared at her and she glared back. Never before had he dealt with a girl with this strong. Then he got this crazy look in his eye and smirked. "I will make you scream."_

_He stood up and started to undo his pants. Shit, Sakura had wished she had more time before they finally decided to rape her. She struggled like mad, refusing to give in without a fight. She threw her head back and smacked Daichi in the nose with a satisfying crunch. He released her for a moment and tentatively touched his now broken and bleeding nose._

"_You bitch." He grabbed her again, roughly, and tightly pressed himself against her. "Calm down. No matter how much you struggle you can't get free."_

_Then Ibuki grabbed her hips as he positioned himself. Then in one quick movement he thrust into her. Pain shot through every cell of her body and she had to fight desperately not to scream. It was all she could do to not even cry._

"_Well, well, looks like we've got ourselves a virgin," he sniggered. "You will scream by the time we're done with you."_

_And for the next seven days, they raped her; cut her; beat her; and everything else they pleased. For the first few days, she'd cry out for Naruto or Kakashi to save her even though she knew it was pointless. And after three days, she finally gave up all hope. She stopped struggling whenever they came down to rape her again. They soon grew tired of her, especially since they still hadn't gotten her to scream._

_On the night of the seventh day after her capture, they dragged her outside, into the woods, and left her there. She was still tied up and naked. Her body was covered in cuts, blood and bruises. As she lay there in the dirt she wondered if this was where she was going to die._

_The next thing she could remember was waking up in a warm bed. Her body ached, but she found that she was clothed and bandaged. Turned out that a woman named Tsurumi had found her and brought her to a safe place to take care of her. Tsurumi helped her so much to get though her past. She truly owed the woman her life._

"— I would have returned to the village but I was so fucked up that I didn't want to hurt my friends. But that doesn't matter anymore because I don't even have them now! I have absolutely _nothing_ now."

The atmosphere of the room had quickly changed after her admission. None of them would have ever guessed that _that_ was what happened to her. They barely thought it was possible that anyone could have taken advantage of her at all. And before they could think of what to say, Sakura ran out of the room crying. None of them had the will to follow her. They were all too ashamed of themselves.

"What has this world come to?" Tsunade finally sighed. She fell back into her chair, letting her head fall back. She blankly stared at the ceiling as she tried to comprehend everything Sakura told her. She just couldn't see all of that happening to her. But it did explain a lot… "I can't believe I threatened her with Ibiki."

"Tsunade, you didn't know. None of us did," Jiraiya said, trying to make her feel a bit better.

"Why couldn't she tell us though? Did she really think we would blame her for something like _that_?"

"Sakura's not the kind of girl that wants others to worry."

"Still…" she sighed. "Hey wait, where did Kakashi go?"

—*—

"Damn Jiraiya. Damn Tsunade. Damn Kakashi!" Sakura grumbled to herself through her tears. Thankfully it was dark out and not many people where on the streets so she didn't feel as ashamed to be crying in public. She didn't know where she was going but she didn't quite care. She was upset. And hungry. And in desperate need of some damn strong alcohol to try to erase her memories.

The delicious smell of ramen wafted through the air making her stop. Normally she didn't care for ramen but right now it sounded like heaven. Besides, she didn't have much money on her and thankfully ramen was cheap. She strolled up to the ramen stand, still lost in a daze, and sat down at the counter. It wasn't until she glanced over and saw a blond boy sitting at the counter that she realized she was at Ichiraku and Naruto was sitting two seats away from her.

"Hey, Naruto…"

He paused for a moment while eating to glance at her. That was it. Just one little glance was all he spared her. Sakura choked back tears and hung her head again. Even Naruto hated her now. She thought that at the very least _he_ would still like her. Maybe he just didn't recognize her. Her hair was red now and she had more curves so it was possible it just didn't connect. But wouldn't he have known by now that she was back. Surely if Sasuke or Kakashi hadn't told him Ino would have blabbed about it by now for sure.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?" she tried. She really didn't want to give up hope on him. She needed someone, desperately. She couldn't stand the thought of being completely alone, to have no one care anymore.

"What do you want, Sakura?" he said flatly.

She was glad that he did indeed recognize but she was starting to hope that he hadn't so she didn't have to admit to herself that he deliberately ignored her. "There are a lot of rumor about me going around, huh?"

He snorted and slammed down his chopsticks. "What did you expect? You left the village without a word to anyone and you return like _this_. You're completely different now. You're not the Sakura we use to know, the one I used to love."

Ouch… that hurt almost as much as Kakashi's comment earlier—almost. "So I really have no one left. I guess I'll go then. I wouldn't want to bother anyone else since I seem to be such a nuisance."

"Sakura," he sighed. "You know that's not what I meant."

But it was too late. She was already leaving and didn't care to hear him try to apologize. There was nothing for him to apologize about. He was right. She had changed completely so why did she expect everyone to still accept her the same way? She didn't belong here anymore. Her life was no longer in Konoha. She knew what she had to do now. She would leave Konoha again. But this time, she'd make sure she was never found again.

Never.

* * *

_Life is out to get you  
To destroy what you want  
You're all alone  
Running out of ways to hold onto hope  
Life is not always what you want_


	6. CH5 Coming Undone

**CH 5 – Coming Undone**

_Since I was young  
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue  
Sweet bitter words  
Guess the black thoughts have come again to get me

* * *

_

Dante's _Inferno_ had nothing on this. If you wanted hell, look no further than Kakashi's life, or better yet, Sakura's. There was no other way of describing everything that happened in his life other than utter hell. Every drop of happiness that he was teased with was always quickly and painfully ripped away from him.

He retreated back to his apartment; he couldn't stand to face the world after it yet again proved to him how cruel and sadistic it really was. The world had to be completely fucked up for Sakura to get raped like that. He could only imagine the excruciatingly vile things they did to her.

He wanted to punch something, hard. He wanted to shatter boulders until his hands were broken and bleeding. But he knew that wouldn't help. He could destroy the entire country but he knew it wouldn't help him feel any better. He could kill the men that raped Sakura and the ones that only furthered her corruption afterward, but it wouldn't change the past.

The past would never be rewritten; the memories would never stop haunting him; the scars would never fade. The only hope he had was to try to suppress everything, if only for a moment, and for that, he would numb his senses blind. So as he dragged himself into his apartment, he grabbed the bottle of alcohol that Sakura left out on the counter and sank into the couch.

"Cheers," he said to no one as he lifted the bottle. He took a swig and almost choked it right back up. Damn that alcohol was strong. No wonder while Sakura mixed it with so much stuff. One pure shot of this stuff would instantly intoxicate anyone he bet.

He continued to drink, and drink… Before long, he could longer keep a single thought straight for more than two seconds. Then he crashed.

—*—

After crying at her parents' graves for a good fifteen minutes, she slowly made her way back to Kakashi's to get her things. Storm clouds had been gathering all evening and they just began to shower her halfway back to the apartment. She smiled. Maybe with it raining she would be able to run away easier. Not that it had been hard the last time she had done it when it was a clear night sky. However, she was respected and trusted more back then than she was now and she doubted that they would fall for her tricks so easily.

When she entered his apartment she instantly felt that something was off. She proceeded with caution and edged over to the living area where her stuff was strune across the floor. When she saw Kakashi lying on the couch she froze. She had hoped she would not run into him.

But something was different about him. He was sleeping, but wouldn't he have woken up when she came in? That was when she noticed the bottle on the floor. She picked it up and her gut sank. It was the alcohol she had gotten for the drinks and it was practically empty now.

"Holy shit," she cursed. She couldn't believe that Kakashi was dumb enough to drink 180 proof alcohol straight up. Was he trying to kill himself?

Instinct took over and she was unzipping his flak jacket and pulling up his shirt to expose his chest before she could think about it. She pulled a kunai out of his holster and made two small cuts, one over his stomach, one over his liver. She had to get the alcohol out of him quickly before his body absorbed any more.

She hadn't used her medical jutsu in so long she wasn't sure if she still could do it. But her body seemed to remember and her hands started to glow with chakra. She pressed her hands to the cuts she made and focused on separating the poison from his blood. Slowly, she drew her hands back, taking out some of the alcohol as she did so. It amazed her how much was in his system. It was good that he hadn't metabolized most of it yet, but this was almost pure ethanol! His body should have been absorbing it at a much higher rate.

But that was under normal conditions, which he was not in. She had drugged him after all. And thinking about it more she realized that the drug she gave him was slowing the absorption of the alcohol. It was the only possible explanation she could think of. The drug she designed was to numb his chakra system, knock him out for a short time, and hinder the use of any chakra pills he might try to take to get his chakra up and running again. It was that last factor that was stopping the alcohol from spreading like a deadly poison through his body.

She fell back on the floor when she was done. Her body hadn't been use to using so much chakra at one time and her muscles would twitch randomly. But she had done it. She had successfully cleared his system and likely saved his life.

Seconds passed. Then minutes. Sakura's muscles had calmed down but her mind and heartbeat were racing. Why wasn't he regaining consciousness? He should be fine now.

"Kakashi?" She tentatively touched his cheek. "Kakashi, wake up." But he remained in his comatose. "No… no, you have to wake up. You have to. You can't die. You can't!" Her breaths began to get shorter as panic spread through her veins. _It should have worked! Why didn't it work?_ she mentally yelled at herself. Tears stung her eyes. How could she have failed? Sure she had been out of practice, but it wasn't _that_ complicated to do a simple extraction. She felt completely inept. She buried her face in her hands and tried to will away the tears that threatened to escape.

"Don't cry. You're too pretty to be sad," she heard as she felt a hand touch her hair. Her eyes shot up. Kakashi was awake now. He was sitting up with his right eye half opened and a lazy smile. She was so overwhelmed with happiness that she didn't take notice to the hint of déjà vu she felt.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she cried as she flung her arms around him in a tight embrace. "You almost died, you moron. Maybe I should have let you to teach you a lesson not to drink so much alcohol."

There was no venom in her voice, only sarcastic relief. It was the same kind humor that she used to talk with before she left. It was the side of her that he loved so much. And he was so jubilant to hear it again. "I'm sorry, Sakura."

"Don't worry about it. You're alive now, so shut up."

He released himself from her grasp and looked her in the eye. "I wasn't talking about that." And suddenly all those happy feelings were gone. "I'm sorry for treating you the way I have. And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to protect you."

She dropped her gaze and took a deep breath. She didn't like to talk about that night let alone anything about the past. "You have nothing to be sorry for. There wasn't anything you could have done."

"I know. That's why I feel so terrible. I've never been able to do anything for anyone I truly care about when they are in dire need of help."

"Kakashi…" She placed her hand on the side of his face and again their eyes locked. A fire began to burn in the pit of her stomach as a strange desire filled her.

Before she could think about it she leaned forward and kissed him. It was soft and hesitant, with a hint of curiosity. Her mouth lingered dangerously close after pulling away as if daring him to kiss her back.

"Sakura," he breathed and her eyes met his. With that glance, a match was lit. When she bit her lower lip it was as if that match fell into a pool of kerosene.

He tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her into a rough kiss. A soft moan rippled through her when his tongue entered her mouth. She crawled up onto the couch and straddled him as the kissing deepened. He could feel her hot sex against his growing member and he instinctively pressed up harder against her.

His flak jacket slipped off his arms. Then she pulled off his shirt and undershirt, revealing his bare chest. She had seen him topless already but the way she stared at his body and ran her finger over his muscles you would think she was relishing it for the first time. Her eyes drifted back to his for a second before the kissing resumed.

Neither of them were thinking. They let their bodies react to one another freely. Their movements were fluidly in time with one another and kept the moment blazingly alive. Never before had either of them felt such chemistry, such passion, such lust.

With her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. It had been clear form the beginning where this was heading and neither of them seemed against it—was that because they were sexually frustrated or actually attracted to one another wasn't clear, though, it was probably a bit of both.

He gently laid Sakura down on the bed. Kneeling over her, he ran his hand down her side and tugged at the sash holding her kimono closed. She shivered under his touch as he brushed the fabric away, reveling her smooth skin. She sat up, letting her kimono slide off along the way, and wrapped her arms around Kakashi's neck. The sensation of his skin against hers sent a shiver of excitement through her veins. Of all the times she had been with other men, never had she felt this level of pleasure before.

And she loved it.

Everything he did to her made her yearn for more. From the soft kisses he graced over her body, to his fingers tracing up and down her back, it all fueled the fire she could feel continuously burning stronger inside of her.

Sakura pressed Kakashi down onto the bed. She began her kissing her way down his chest and when she met the barrier of his pants she glanced up at him and smirked. She slowly undid his pants and pulled them off along with his boxers. His member proudly stood erect. Of all the men she had seen, Kakashi was gifted more than most. But as she also learned, it wasn't so much as size and thickness as it was how well the guy could use it—though it didn't hurt to be larger.

When she started stroking him, he managed to hold back a shiver of ecstasy. But when her tongue flicked across the tip he couldn't help but moan in delight. If she was able to get this kind of reaction out of him from just barely touching him, he feared that when she really started doing things to him he wouldn't be able to control himself at all. Then again, maybe that was good thing as sex was more enjoyable when you completely succumbed to the raw desires the flesh craved.

With every lick and every suck, he knew he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. It was then, on the brink of coming, that he realized just how much power this girl had over him. He repeatedly let his guard down around her allowing her the perfect opportunities to take advantage of him. And he knew that even if he flipped her over and made her be submissive she would still hold all the control. For the first time in his life, he was perfectly content with the knowledge that someone had such total control over him.

Just as he was getting close to his breaking point she stopped. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her. She smiled at him and held up a finger to tell him to be patient and give her a moment. She leaned over and scooped up kimono off the floor and reached into the sleeve. She pulled out a square of plastic—a condom.

She looked at him and her eyes asked if he was sure he wanted to do this. He nodded—as if he could ever tell her no. He reached forward to take the sheath from her but she drew her hand back. A seductive smirk crossed her face and he knew that she was up to something. She opened the packet with her teeth and tossed the empty wrapper to the floor. She placed it just between her lips and, sure enough, put it on him with her mouth. His member tensed as he wondered just how many more _talents_ she planned on showing that night.

She kissed her way up his body to his mouth. Their tongues danced with each other's as they shared one last passionate kiss. She teased the tip of his member against her hot, wet entrance. He groaned, longing to be inside of her, dying to make love with her.

And for the first time of many that night, he entered her.

—*—

When Sakura woke up it was still dark. She glanced out the window and saw the horizon starting to glow as dawn inched closer. Still half asleep, she carefully slid out of bed and got dressed. She walked out into the foyer and began putting her shoes on. But something was off. She paused for a second and wondered about the strange feeling she had in her chest.

Never before had this happened to her. She couldn't describe it; the feeling was unlike anything she felt before that she couldn't think of a word for it. She ran over everything that had happened last night to try to see what caused this strange feeling. After going through the night over and over again, she had an epiphany that chilled her to her bones.

Silently, she stood back up and slowly walked back towards the bedroom. With every step the pressure on her chest seemed to lighten as her stomach began to flutter. When she reached the doorway she stopped as her breath caught in her throat.

Kakashi was sitting up in bed with nothing but the sheets spilling around his waist. The soft pre-dawn glow coming from outside brushed his skin in such a way that he seemed ethereal. His distant gaze rose and met hers sending a shiver through her body.

She couldn't breath. Her heart was racing faster than it ever had. And she had a strong urge to throw herself back into that bed with him and repeat last night. It all justified the realization she had just come to. Still, it had hard for her to really comprehend. Why was she feeling these things? And why was he looking at her like that?

"Why… why did last night happen?" She dropped her gaze and clenched her fists as she forced the words outs shakily. "Was it because we were drunk? Or… or was it something else?"

"Sakura…" He couldn't say it. He looked away from her. How could he possibly tell her that he loved her?

She went up to him and made him look her in the face. Both of their eyes held fear in them. She feared knowing the truth; he feared telling it. "Please, I need to know." Her voice was desperate and her eyes pleading.

He opened his mouth to respond but found the words so hard to find. "Because I love you," he wanted to say. But his lips just couldn't form the words as easily as his mind could.

"Please…" Tears began to fill her eyes. Her jaw clenched as she tried to control her emotions. She felt so confused and conflicted and so much of her sanity was dependant upon his response. Though what she wanted him to say she wasn't sure. Did she want it to be just another drunken night affair? Or was she looking for something else, something… deeper, more meaningful? "Please, I just need know why."

Another moment passed between them and still he said nothing. He wanted to tell her, oh, he _really_ wanted to. But every time he tried to tell her the words caught in his throat. It frustrated him that he could say those simple words and it pained him to see how much that it pained Sakura. And she had finally had enough of his silence. She shook her head, giving up, and stormed from the room.

"I love you, Sakura," he blurted just as she got to the doorway.

She froze completely and stood there mid stride as his words hung in the air. It had been so long since she had heard those words said to her. The last time was right after she moved out of her parents' house and into her apartment. Her mother had finished helping her unpack the last of her boxes and before she left, she gave her a full, warm hug and said, "I love you so much. I can't believe how fast you've grown." But this time, the words held a different weight.

"I have for a long time now. And even though you're barely the girl I first fell for now, I still find myself in love with you. No matter how much you change, I think I always will."

"I-I need some air." She quickly made her way out of his apartment.

When he heard the front door slam shut he fell back onto the bed with a heavy sigh. Had he really just confessed his love to his student? What was worse was that she ran away. She hadn't gone far; he could feel his tag on her close by still. If he had to guess he'd say she was sitting in the stairwell at the end of the hallway trying to process his confession. He didn't blame her though. He would have been pretty freaked out too if he woke up after having sex with his sensei and who then confessed his love to him.

He rolled out of bed and slumped into the bathroom. Maybe after a hot shower he would be able to make better sense of things. The bathroom filled with steam and he stepped under the torrent of steamy water inside the shower. His muscles tightened and relaxed at the same time causing a shudder to ripple through him.

What the hell was he going to do now?

Things were even more fucked up then they were before—if that was possible. And still, he felt completely useless. He couldn't console Sakura right now; he had no clue how to even try.

The water started to get cold so he turned it off. He stepped out, grabbed a towel and proceeded to his room while drying his hair. When he pulled the towel off his head he froze. Sakura was sitting on his bed. She looked up at him and the look in her eyes struck him. There was something different about her now.

"I don't want to be like this anymore," she said carefully. "Will… will you help me?"

A smile quickly grew on his face. Sakura smiled back at him as she got to her feet and hugged him. Where things were going to go was a mystery. But he knew—they both did—that the worst part was over, and now, things would only get better.

* * *

_Suddenly something started  
When our hearts collide  
We're leaving the whole world behind  
Holding back the hands of time  
Cause the past is over and the future's far away_


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Who I am hates who I've been

* * *

_

After three weeks of being gone on a mission, Kakashi was relieved to be back in Konoha. All he wanted to do was go home, take a hot shower, possibly have sex, and then sleep for a few days.

He made his way back to the compound. Once Sakura had decided she was going to stay for good, she wanted to move back into her parents' old house. He had no objections when she asked him to move in with her considering it was a bigger place, there was no rent to pay, it made Sakura happy and he got to live with the woman he loved.

"Sakura?" he called when he entered the door.

"In here," she responded from the kitchen. Judging by the delicious scents wafting through the air she had prepared dinner for him.

He walked into the kitchen and found her sitting at the table in a purple and blue yukata. She smiled and hopped to her feet. They kissed but when he tried to pull her closer to him she pulled back and shook her head.

"No hugs. At least not for a few more days."

"Why?"

She smiled and untied the sash holding her yukata closed. The sash fell to the floor and she pulled the garment off her shoulder and revealed her chest—what was left of it that is.

"I know you didn't like how big they were. So I've been talking with Tsunade-shishou and a specialty surgeon to get them reduced back to my normal size. Thankfully there won't be any scares. They're healed for the most part but they'll still be a bit tender for the next couple of days as they finish healing."

He barely paid attention to her rambling as he stared her body. She really did look better with a smaller chest—though he believed she was still bigger than her natural size. What struck him more was that she had gone out of her way to do this.

"You did this just for me?" he crooned. He had a suspicion that there was more to this than to please him. She dropped her gaze. He knew she had other motives. He brushed her hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Sakura?"

"I did it for you," she spoke slowly. "But, I also did it to forget the past and—"

Before she could say more, he lifted her chin and kissed her. He didn't need to hear more and he didn't want to hear more. At that moment, he didn't care about her reasons or even what size her chest was now; all he cared about was finally being able to hold her in his arms and kiss her again after being gone for so long.

"Let's just have dinner, okay?"

"Okay," she said with a smile. Secrecy crept into her eyes and mischievousness curled in her lips. He knew that look. She had something else up her sleeve. He raised an eyebrow as he wondered what she was up to. She laughed and said, "That's not the only surprise I have for you tonight."

* * *

_Everything I'll ever need  
Standing in front of me  
Take me and bring me home again  
Only love can bring us home_

**[A/N: Thank you to everyone for reading my fic!! XD I hope you all enjoyed it. There WILL be a sequal to this fic so don't worry, this isn't the end. Hopefully I'll be able to write it quickly and get it up as soon as possible. Sadly, school has stared again so I'm not gonna have as much free time to write. But I will try very hard to get it up ASAP. Thank you again =D ] **


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